Becoming a super hero.

March 19th 2017, was the date that rolled off the tongue to answer the ever-asking question – “When are you due?” March 19th ended-up being the day that was spent attempting to find any way possible to keep my anxious mind off the fact that labor was going to start that evening.

As a new mom, labor and postpartum were topics of articles and blogs I had skimmed through every day while I was pregnant. They were discussed with your close family and friends, listening to their stories and conversing with them about what I was anticipating. But in the end every single story I read or heard was different in their own beautiful way. It was always personal, full of emotion, and/or life-altering. Through the whole process of learning what to expect and now having my own story – what is definite is that women were created to be superheroes with inherent strength and toughness being their super powers. Now it didn’t take pregnancy and labor for me to realize this, I’ve always been about “girl power” (thank you Spice Girls), but it did take the process for me to experience these super powers to the fullest.

Justin and I spent March 19th taking a beautiful drive through the 5-mile Drive at Point Defiance. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and I had to break out of the house. After the drive, we stopped at the beach and parked at the top of the hill thinking maybe a good walk will get Gracee Rae moving and we won’t have to induce later that evening. The walk didn’t work, so we tried some spicy chicken from Panda Express on the way home. It wasn’t successful either. It was now 5pm and I was instructed by my Doc that if Gracee had not arrived by then it was time call the hospital and have them let you know when they have a room for you. It was the longest 4 hours of the whole process, just waiting for the phone to ring to say when they were ready. At 9pm, our room was ready.

I will never forget the drive to the hospital. It wasn’t like the ones you see in movies or read in the news about the panic drive to the hospital, hoping to make it in time. Ours was quiet. I could hear my heart beating heavy in my chest. I remember holding Justin’s hand tight from the moment we got in the car. My mind was running wild. What was I getting myself into? What was labor going to be like for me? I’m finally going to meet my baby girl, although this is the last time it will be the Peterson party of 2.  The tears began to fall. Justin held my hand tighter. Without even saying a word, we looked at each other and I knew it was all going to be okay. Between knowing I had my best friend by my side and being in constant prayer with my Best Friend above – I knew everything was going to be more than alright.

Once we got settled in the room, the first night was spent hooked to every machine in the book and being monitored every hour. It was spent with HGTV in the background all night. As Justin slept, the nurse and I had a whole discussion about how she leaves HGTV on for her cats at home while she works. She jokingly said she hopes that one day she would come home to newly designed house with all the HGTV they watched. I definitely appreciated her humor at 3am.

It wasn’t until 1pm on Monday, March 20th when we received the okay from the Doc that I was ready to begin the Pitocin to hopefully speed up labor. The nurse suggests I order lunch first. Not knowing what is next in the process, I ordered a comforting lunch of grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup. When the nurse comes in and sees the spread she said, “Oh, normally patients order a huge meal because this is like your last meal until baby comes.” And how was I supposed to know that?! (This is now one of my first pieces of advice about labor for new moms – take advantage of the meal(s) they offer you or be clear on when your next meal is.)

Gracee didn’t arrive for another 16 hours. Thankfully we were deep into the March Madness tournament for men and women’s basketball. University of Washington Women’s basketball was in the running for a National Title and Kelsey Plum secured the record for the most points scored in a NCAA career. We had plenty of sports to watch and talk about to keep my mind off of the fact that the Pitocin was now working and the contractions were happening for longer periods of time. It was about 8:30pm when my water broke and we were ready for an epidural. I always had full intentions of receiving an epidural, if circumstances allowed. One of the nurses said it best, “There is no award for doing this without.” Little did I know that I would get a taste of that too.

After receiving my epidural, I continued to what felt like my hip cramping severely. Being that this is my first time in labor, I didn’t know the difference if this was a serious cramp, if baby was sitting funny, or if this was a contraction. No matter what it was – I thought my epidural should be hiding this pain. The nurse thought it was possibly baby positioned on my hip, so she kept rotating me from side to side, but the pain continued to get worse. Long story short, it was time for a second epidural because the first one only took for my right side. Trying to sit still through full blown contractions, while a giant needle (at least that’s what Justin said, there was no way I was going to look at it) is placed perfectly in my spine is an interesting scenario. This is where I discovered and used my super powers.

The rest of the evening was full of pushing and waiting. But Gracee Rae was bound and determined to be Spring baby and wait until March 21st. My Doc came into the room at 5am and told us that I had 10 more pushes before going to the OR for an c-section. I initially had to be induced because of high blood pressure, so after 30 hours of labor we all wanted to make sure Gracee was okay without too much stress on the two of us. The image of Justin grabbing my hand and saying, “You have 10 more pushes, it’s time for BEAST MODE,” will forever be ingrained in my head. Gracee waited until the very last moment and arrived in that last set of pushing, as a healthy happy 6lb 12oz, 20in long precious baby girl.

Postpartum has been a journey that I continue to face daily. It began when I first looked in the mirror after going through the most life-changing experience and I saw a new person. I saw someone who was strong, but emotionally weak at the same time. I saw a body that just went through 9 months of change, but now has some serious work to do to get back to the body it was. I knew it was me, but it was a new me. I’m a mom. The emotions of the postpartum experience are real. I struggled with trying to live up to all those articles I read about providing the “best” for your baby and what really was the “best” for Gracee.

I always thought breastfeeding would be the “best”, but it turned out that breastfeeding wasn’t written in the story for us. Gracee was born tongue tied and we couldn’t get the correct latch (even after 3 lactation nurses and an appt to have her tongue corrected). I tired pumping, the supply wasn’t there and my energy was drained. I struggled with not being able to provide the “best” for her. I felt inadequate, because I could only hear those voices saying the classic line of “breast is best”. It took time but I figured out that what is best for Gracee is her mom. A mom that is confident in the decisions made for her daughter. A mom that is rested, ready to give her best to her sweet girl throughout all hours of the day.

The postpartum body is still under construction, but all good things take time. As a mom, getting a workout done is completely different and I needed to find what this was going to look like. This fall I rejoined Figures in Fircrest. Figures is an all female gym with classes and trainers who inspire everyone they meet. I finally felt comfortable in a gym again. My sister and I started going to a Power Intervals class (which is a form of interval strength and cardio training) and I found what fit my fitness journey! It’s an hour class, two-times a week and it kicks my butt! Not to mention, the workouts are written out when you arrive, so I can snap a photo and archive the workout for days I don’t make it to the gym. The instructor, Maria, has been an inspiration, as she believes in the super power strength every woman holds.  I am proud to say that I have found my “mom bod”. I can’t say I have returned to my pre-baby body, because I believe that this body is stronger than it has ever been. It may not look the same, but the journey it has completed tells the story. I am excited to continue to attend Power Intervals and see the goals me and my “mom bod” achieve. #builtbyPI

Through the whole experience I felt as though I have learned more about myself than ever. I continue to learn each late night and early morning, what each giggle or tear means, when Gracee just needs to be held or when I just need to be held. Becoming a mom is more than I could have ever asked for and has given me more joy than I could have ever imagined. This is just the beginning of our mommy and me story, I can’t wait to see what else the Lord has written for us.